The Book

The Beast Is Not Your Master

My Story of Addiction, Arrest, Redemption, and a Life Rebuilt by God’s Grace

Concept cover. Final cover design to be determined by publisher.

What happens when the thing you thought you controlled begins controlling you?

For years, I lived two lives.

Outwardly, I was a husband, father, employee, and friend. I went to work. I played basketball with friends during lunch. I did the ordinary things ordinary people do.

Privately, sexual addiction had become a cycle of secrecy, fantasy, acting out, shame, and despair.

I knew I had a problem.

I knew I was hurting people.

And eventually, I became convinced I couldn’t stop.

Then, in November 2003, everything collapsed.

I was arrested. Within days, I was assaulted in a county jail and placed in protective custody. Frightened, injured, and facing consequences I could no longer escape, I found myself sharing a cell with a man who would not stop talking to me about Jesus.

On November 26, 2003, I finally stopped fighting.

I knelt beside my bunk and asked Jesus Christ to save me.

That was not the end of my story.

It was the beginning.

Grace Did Not Cancel the Consequences

Seven months later, I stood before a judge and was sentenced to fifteen years in prison, with seven years suspended and eight years to serve.

I had become a Christian.

I had been baptized.

I was reading Scripture, attending counseling, participating in a sexual-addiction recovery group, and learning to live honestly.

And I was still going to prison.

One of the first difficult truths I learned as a Christian was this:

Grace did not cancel the sentence.

God’s forgiveness did not erase the consequences of my choices. It did not immediately repair the relationships I had damaged or restore the trust I had destroyed.

But grace meant that consequences were no longer the end of the story.

What Freedom Really Looks Like

The Beast Is Not Your Master is not a story about instant deliverance from temptation.

It is a story about learning to live in freedom.

The book combines memoir with practical biblical teaching about sexual addiction, temptation, secrecy, shame, identity, accountability, failure, consequences, and long-term recovery.

It explores questions I had to confront in my own life:

  • Why do we return to behaviors we desperately want to stop?
  • What happens when secrecy becomes part of how we live?
  • Why isn’t willpower enough?
  • What lies beneath the lust?
  • What is the difference between temptation and failure?
  • How do accountability, counseling, recovery groups, boundaries, and Christian community fit into recovery?
  • What happens when we fail?
  • How do we take responsibility for the wounds our choices have caused?
  • What does long-term Christian freedom actually look like?

I don’t believe calling sexual addiction an addiction removes responsibility.

I made choices.

I lied.

I hid things.

I betrayed trust and caused harm that other people had to live with.

I fed the beast.

Understanding why I behaved as I did became part of recovery. It never became an excuse for what I did.

Christ Alone Does Not Mean Christ in Isolation

I believe Jesus Christ did what I could not do for myself.

But saying that Christ is the source of my freedom does not mean counseling, recovery groups, accountability, boundaries, or other people are unnecessary.

I needed all of them.

Over the years, God has used pastors, friends, counselors, recovery groups, Scripture, accountability, boundaries, and Christian community to help me learn how to live differently.

They did not replace Christ.

Christ used them.

One of the central lessons of my recovery has been that Christ alone does not mean Christ in isolation.

More Than Twenty Years Later

I was released from prison in 2012.

The years since have included rebuilding relationships, work, marriage, family life, and the ordinary routines I once wasn’t sure I would experience again.

They have also included continued temptation.

That matters.

I don’t want to tell someone struggling with sexual addiction that becoming a Christian means temptation will disappear. That wasn’t my experience.

Instead, more than twenty years after surrendering my life to Christ, this is how I understand freedom:

I remain vulnerable.
I remain responsible.
I remain vigilant.

But vulnerability is not identity, and vigilance is not fear.

The beast may still growl.

It is not my master.

Jesus Christ is.

Who Is This Book For?

The Beast Is Not Your Master is written primarily for people struggling with sexual addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, or habitual sexual sin.

It is also written for:

  • Christians who feel trapped in cycles of temptation, failure, shame, and secrecy
  • spouses and family members trying to understand addiction and recovery
  • pastors and ministry leaders walking alongside people who are struggling
  • counselors and recovery leaders interested in the lived experience of Christian recovery
  • anyone who wonders whether a life badly damaged by his own choices can still be rebuilt

You do not have to be a Christian to read this book.

But I will not hide where my story leads.

I became convinced that Jesus Christ was not merely part of my recovery.

He became my Savior.

And ultimately, my Master.

Publication Status

The Beast Is Not Your Master: My Story of Addiction, Arrest, Redemption, and a Life Rebuilt by God’s Grace is a completed manuscript currently being considered for publication.

Publication information will be posted here as it becomes available.